An online space for queer, questioning, lesbian, bi, trans and everything else in between women at Yale

Friday, May 28, 2010

A Day Late

both a description of this post and an awesome song by Anberlin (who happens to be playing at Toads on June 1st) and pretty accurartely describes My EnTiRe ExiStENce!!


So I'm at home. Sort of. And by 'home' I mean I'm splitting time between my grandmother's house, my mom's apartment, and my best friend's apartment where I will be living as soon as I start getting paid. It's complicated. But worry not, dear Readers, I 'spect that by the beginning of July I will be a full fledged and well paid personal trainer. Ching!

I thought about taking this time to reflect on my past four years. Or really even the last two as those are the most relevant. But that would be super long, and no specific story is jumping out at me right at this second.

Instead, let me start by saying that it's funny for me to be writing this post in my grandmother's house of all places. Of any of the relatives with whom I interact on a regular basis, she's the most conservative and the last person I would tell I was queer. (*tangent* this morning over coffee, she called herself queer intending the 'odd' meaning of the word, but I had a little chuckle) This is not to say she doesn't know. You see, this is where the story gets funny.

My best friend, from earlier, who I'm moving in with. She's more than just my best friend. She is my heterosexual life partner. We've been super tight since senior year of high school and I don't see that changing any time soon. Of all the people who came to graduation she was the one I was most happy to see. Unlike my yalie-version of her, I have never had any sexual attraction to her, and now it would just be beyond weird. But, sometimes I wonder if her prominence in my life will complicate my bothering to find a signficant romantic other of my own (she's been with her boyfriend for like...3 years or something ridiculous). But that is not the point of the story.

Once upon a time, I finally convinced her to come out to Jersey to hang with me instead of us roaming the city-which, granted, is more stimulating. So, she arrives and in some converation I am not party to, my mother insuates that she and I are in fact an item and so any and all lame adults should make themselves scarce. Now, my mother knows full well that we're not together (though I think this happened more recently than I originally thought). My suspicion is that she just wanted us to have our own space and not have P.O.S. all weekend, which I can appreciate.

However, this message has not been so clear through the lines of my extended family. Fast forward to graduation. I'm walking my friend back to the train station and she says "I'm pretty sure your grandmother still thinks we're together". Ah indeed, I say. Turns out, my grandmother had tried to really chat up my friend who she has only met once. I mean...it's sweet I guess, but man are they gonna be confused when I get around to bringing home an actual girlfriend. oh bother....

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Pippin's Sexcapades made me Squirm

I spent my last week at Yale before summer break working on Pippin, the Dramat's commencement musical, and, although I'm certain that there's an interesting discussion in the gender roles intrinsic to the costume shop (after an afternoon spent alternately doing delicate stitchery and draping chain with a hammer and a vise, my boyfriend exclaimed "I have the best butch girlfriend ever!), I'm more interested in talking about what happened onstage.

Pippin, the show's protagonist, is a young man who becomes increasingly dissatisfied with everything. He loses interest in sex as a means to fulfilment after his participation in a raucous, but empty, orgy which occurs in the first act. As part of the choreography, Pippin is lifted by four male dancers and is briefly lowered onto a series of dancers who lie under him in a very mechanistic interpretation of the sex act.

In the original choreography, all the dancers that Pippin had sex with were female, and lay flat on their backs, until Pippin was lifted off them and they hurried out of the way of the next girl. But sometime between early rehearsals and the performance, one of the female dancers was swapped out for a male dancer, who lay on his stomach while Pippin was lowered onto him.

The dance as a whole was not strictly heteronormative. The pairings of dancers in the background were f/f as ofter as m/f, and were sometimes m/m/m/m, but it was the anal sex acted out by the protagonist that got the biggest audience reaction during performances. At every show, the m/m sex act got an enormous laugh, while the m/f pairings passed unremarked.

Sitting in the audience, I felt vaguely uncomfortable. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the appropriate response would be. There's something wrong when its only the gay encounter that reads as a joke, even if the entire sequence is played for laughs. At the same time, I don't know whether the real solution is to insist that homosexuality be treated as identical to and interchangeable with heterosexuality.

What reaction would you have to Pippin's encounter? What would you hope to see from an audience?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

california shenanigans : anyone in the bay area?

hey sappho!

I haven't posted in forever--apologiesss. I am now settled (sort of) into palo alto to do research at Stanford. The campus is SO BIG...it's overwhelming. Temporarily I'm living at the Kappa Alpha Theta house with my friend. Right next door is the lgbtq house, so I get to see a rainbow flag every time I leave our house!

I'm so excited to live so close to San Francisco. I'm seeing if I can volunteer at SF Pride in June--so excited! BACKSTREET BOYS ARE PERFORMING. Yes, be jealous. You are...my fire....my one....


I'm just really looking forward to living in a place where I am out from the get-go. There is no coming out process really...if you are immediately out, you know? AHHHH so refreshing.

I miss my girlfriend a lot. And it's been like....39 hours since I last saw her. Just went back to the have to see her and her family for graduation festivities. And I seriously keep my phone in my back pocket so I can feel when I get a text so I can text her right back. I feel a little pathetic....she's flying me to L.A. on Friday...and it seems like a kabajillion years awayyyy.

Anwayssss--y'all should google Bridget Mcmanus--she's great. OH--and Karen....you and bridget have the same smile! watching her makes me miss you!

sorry this post was a little spastic--a little jet-lagged and sleepy. :)


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Day of Days

Haha! At last it is Thursday again!
Soon, I will post on Thursday mornings from my part-time job at a yoga/mind-body study in NYC. Fun times. But more on that in a week.*

*yeah...I'm gonna keep posting after graduation at least as long as my life doesn't spiral into chaos. So you will never be rid of me. HA!*

Today is going to be a day of days. The sun is really out. It's going to be a good deal warmer. There's brunch for the seniors and then croquet and more champagne for JE seniors. So I guess the theme of today is champagne. It's like Yale spent the last couple of days getting us all wasted on whatever we wanted and is now saying "here is some bubbly, go sleep it off before your parents get here". oh joy.
that doesn't even mention how much alcohol I get to take possession of from certain of my teammates who can't drink it. lucky bitches still going to NCAAs. Or perhaps I am the lucky one, getting to hang out with friends new and old, take a load off, train how and when I want.

But! There's more!
Also, maybe Grey's will throw us some more will-they-won't-they-up-against-the-elevator-wall action for Calzona. Or maybe they could just not break up over baby drama. I mean honestly, how played is that?

1) if you're around, and want some alcohol, let me know.
2) I will almost assuredly be in the JE basement watching grey's at 9, if anyone wants to come.

p.s. how awesome was glee in so many ways? way awesome.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Where I Find All My Music...and other dead week adventures

Hello hello anyone who is still reading this, or has an RSS feed which conveniently tells you when people post. I'm hanging out in the have still, while most of the underclassmen have moved out and most of the seniors are at Myrtle. I won't lie. It's a smidgen lonely.
Anyway, here are some useful things for people who like new music.

I think I've mentioned VolumeVote.com before. A new song every day and now they're getting ready to beta launch a premium program that you can test (read: download extra music) for free. Sweet!

Every Tuesday is new iTunes music day. If you go in the iTunes store to the free on iTunes section, you'll find usually two or three tracks that are free. Sometimes these are totally rad, like "The uncomfortable truth" by nneka.

Amazon.com also has a ton of free music. And by a ton, I mean thousands upon thousands of free tracks. A lot of them are in the form of indie record label samplers, but you can still find some sweet stuff if you take the time to fish through it.

I'm also a big proponent of signing up for things like eMusic, which will give you 25 free downloads, and then dropping it like its hot after the trial period. Ching!

And of course, sites like pandora.com and meemix.com (for when you play out your free pandora happens- its 40hrs a month)are great for discovering new music you like, though it won't give you free downloads. shucks.


Hanging out in the JE Library by myself, I'm trying to figure out what the appropriate wait period is before I sell back the books people seem to have abandoned here for my own gain. Similarly, I'm curious if I can still use my lunch swipe at Durfee. I could yesterday. That would be totally game changing for the next week and a half.

Happy Summer everybody!!!!!!
: )

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I HATE packing....

I do....I think the first reason is because I get really really frustrated! I'm sitting on a tiny open space on my bed completely surrounded by clothes and shit! It´s taking over, my chances of winning the battle against fabric and old homeworks do not look promising.

In addition, my roommate who emerged victorious two days ago is now watching a movie on her computer on her empty, bare bed...

I also don´t like packing because it seems so...final. It´s odd, because I also feel like I just moved in yesterday, and while I will be back at Yale in the fall, it´s scary how time passes by so fast.

It also reminds me of the fact that others are leaving. After lunch, I bumped into a couple of friends that will be leaving in the next couple of minutes, call me emotional but I am the saying goodbye type, I like to acknowledge that we won´t see each other for a while, that I´ll miss them and that I hope they take care...

Seniors however, are the worst. I hate and love them. I hate them because I love them. And although I wish them the best always and am happy that they have successfully finished their Yale careers, I´ll miss them, and it makes me sad.


On the other hand, I like packing (not actually! just metaphorically) because it also means that I just finished a year here that was well-lived. I met a lot of people, and have really begun to consolidate my new friendships, it´s a process, of course, but we´re getting there.

It also means that a new thing begins---namely the summer, and going home will be very very interesting. And eventually next year will begin, I´m very very excited =)

I guess the final message is, to everyone thank you for a wonderful year, the people that read and contribute on this blog are mainly to blame for my amazing year.

I love you all.

and if I survive packing and being home, see you all (or most of you...tears) in the fall!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

At last.........................

For better or for worse, the fact that this year is drawing to an end has not quite hit me yet. The fact that when this year ends, so does my time as a Yale undergrad....it doesn't quite seem real yet. The fact that I'm not studying for my Cr/D final is not helping.
But! I do feel like the shift is coming. One of my usual breakfast buddies reminded me that Commons closes tomorrow, making it our LAST EVER commons breakfast. The commons hot breakfast has defined my Yale experience (at least a little) so that sort of got to me. Senior dinner didn't even have the same effect. I am a weird kid.
Here is what really did it though.
As I was going to work in the library, I ran into a friend of mine who I've been harboring feelings for but haven't hung out with in a while as she was leaving. After a brief moment of struggle to figure out how to keep the elevator door from closing (push the call button, dumby)she said "i need to see you before I leave." followed by "I leave Saturday".


You can't leave Saturday! That's like....not enough time for me woman up or, conversely, bury myself more thoroughly into my shyness. Where did the damn time go?

Yeah, so now I'm all trying to figure out the best way to handle what may be our last interaction. at least for some time.

Here I've been chanting 'last chance dance' at random intervals, kind of as a joke, but kind of seriously, when I've missed a huge portion of this picture. People are leaving, they are already leaving, and though they will be coming back, I won't, at least not in the full-time capacity to which I am accustomed.

Now I feel the need to set up lunch dates with everyone I know and love for the next four days, or however long we have. Gosh, where are fairy godparents when you need them to remind you to look around and not just barrel straight forward?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


The title explains it all. We will post as soon as we can!

Love from all of us!

[Sappho.Blog] Writers

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