An online space for queer, questioning, lesbian, bi, trans and everything else in between women at Yale

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Where did I put the set of directions for my sexuality?

From the moment that I saw Whenever Wherever for the first time at age ten, I knew I liked girls. I didn’t know to what extent and, given a rather sheltered/evangelical background, I didn’t even properly understand what it meant to be queer, or to be some variation thereof.

From my pubescent fantasy of Shakira gyrating in the mud to a recurring dream of Billie Piper as a naughty teacher, I have definitely always had a Sapphic-shaped space in my heart. Even so, it never occurred to me until recently that “coming out” might be something that I should do.

From middle school to the present, I’ve toyed with the labels bicurious, bisexual, and—currently—queer. I’ve come to terms with this, however, in the context of an opposite-sex relationship. My boyfriend of four years has been there for every label change, for every tearful late-night phone call where I thought I was going to go to hell for liking girls, and he’s always had the same sweet reply: I still love you.

And I still love him.

He’s wonderful and sexy and sweet and even though I now identify as queer, I don’t see myself with another woman any time soon. Which raises the question: should I come out of the proverbial closet to my family and friends?

A handful of people know how I identify, but beyond a tight circle of family and friends, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to tell.

I hear about people throwing parties, giving announcements, celebrating their sexualities to the fullest extent in regards to coming out. But when I think of doing this sort of thing, I’m terrified: if the majority of my family ever found out about my sexuality, I’m pretty sure they’d hit the floor in prayer so hard and fast that they’d leave bruises on their knees.

Should I even come out, given the background of my family combined with my relationship status? I am happily in love with my boyfriend and don’t see my relationship with him ending any time soon.

I don’t know if I should tell my family or my wider circle of friends that I’m queer. I also don’t know how much longer I can keep my sexuality (mostly) to myself.

I realize this is a common issue. But, even so, there should be a handbook for this.


Aladdin said...

Out of curiosity, have you ever been with a woman?

ForLackOfABetterWord said...

I haven't, no.

Nathaly Aramayo said...

I'm not actually a student at Yale but I hope to be one soon and I stumbled upon this blog whilst going through the different clubs and groups on the Yale website.
I must say that I fully understand your situation in regards to the family-being-super-Christian part.
Having been accidentally outed to my sister through a social network, I thought I was doomed. Turns out, my sister does not agree with my sexuality (I'm lesbian) but she has been a lot more understanding then I could have hoped for. As for my mom, I know she isn't ready for that cold bucket of water yet so I'm putting it off.
I guess what I'm trying to say is go at your own pace, but don't underestimate your family's love and understanding of you.
But if you feel more comfortable keeping it from them, that's entirely your decision as well and it shouldn't be something you feel immense pressure about.
Hope this bit of advice helps and feel free to contact me for anything, I know I may be younger but that does not make me COMPLETELY unwise or immature. Haha.