An online space for queer, questioning, lesbian, bi, trans and everything else in between women at Yale

Thursday, May 6, 2010

At last.........................

For better or for worse, the fact that this year is drawing to an end has not quite hit me yet. The fact that when this year ends, so does my time as a Yale undergrad....it doesn't quite seem real yet. The fact that I'm not studying for my Cr/D final is not helping.
But! I do feel like the shift is coming. One of my usual breakfast buddies reminded me that Commons closes tomorrow, making it our LAST EVER commons breakfast. The commons hot breakfast has defined my Yale experience (at least a little) so that sort of got to me. Senior dinner didn't even have the same effect. I am a weird kid.
Here is what really did it though.
As I was going to work in the library, I ran into a friend of mine who I've been harboring feelings for but haven't hung out with in a while as she was leaving. After a brief moment of struggle to figure out how to keep the elevator door from closing (push the call button, dumby)she said "i need to see you before I leave." followed by "I leave Saturday".


You can't leave Saturday! That's like....not enough time for me woman up or, conversely, bury myself more thoroughly into my shyness. Where did the damn time go?

Yeah, so now I'm all trying to figure out the best way to handle what may be our last interaction. at least for some time.

Here I've been chanting 'last chance dance' at random intervals, kind of as a joke, but kind of seriously, when I've missed a huge portion of this picture. People are leaving, they are already leaving, and though they will be coming back, I won't, at least not in the full-time capacity to which I am accustomed.

Now I feel the need to set up lunch dates with everyone I know and love for the next four days, or however long we have. Gosh, where are fairy godparents when you need them to remind you to look around and not just barrel straight forward?


Franka Pye said...

I´ll miss you Ryan!!!

Go for it with this girl!!

hugs and kisses and good wishes.

when are you leaving again?

Anonymous said...

Geeze, Ryan. You are not alone. I have some feelings that I really want to confess before the chance is gone too. But I know I'm going to chicken out. I just don't have the balls to say anything, despite how badly I want to. But you should totally go for it. Actually. Do it for both of us, please?


Ryan said...

Aw. I love you guys. I, as it happens, don't leave ever. And by that, I mean I'll be here through graduation and maybe maybe through the end of that week.

Also, I will be in NYC this summer if anyone wants to hang out.