An online space for queer, questioning, lesbian, bi, trans and everything else in between women at Yale

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I kissed a boy (and I liked it?)

So I kissed a guy at a lesbian club. Ok, so as well as this being one of the wtf moments that make up my life recently, there was context. My lesbro had promised to take me to this club while I was visiting her, and the night we happened to go (along with her girlfriend and another queer woman) I happened to be with this guy. So, because I have an impeccable sense of context (not), I decide its an awesome idea to go dance and make out with him. Yeah, I'm an awful queer woman...sorry!

So at first , most of the girls there (this was a real lesbian club, like, all girls) didn't give me and my dance partner a second glance. I'm taller than him in my four inch heels, his hair is longer than mine, and his presentation is decidedly androgynous (see the picture!). However, as people got closer, they would do a visible double-take, realizing that, well he was a guy...a lot of girls seemed weirded out, shuffled away abit, so in a minute we went upstairs to find a quiet corner.

I'm used to strange reactions to my kissing people: from friends who didn't know I'm bi seeing me make out with a girl for the first time, to newer friends who assumed that I was gay seeing me kiss a guy, to the general voyeuristic attitude many boys take to girls making out. No, we are not doing it for your benefit, and no you cannot hit on one or both of us because we are clearly occupied. But this feeling of slight discomfort or wierdness was a new one.

At first I felt a little maybe that this was unfairly taking over queer space, but then I decided fuck that, I'm bi and proud and I want to hang with my other queer friends and my choice of make out partners shouldn't effect that. If I want to kiss a girl when I'm at Toads with my straight suitemates, I will. And if I want to kiss a boy when I'm out with my queer friends, I'll do that too.

Anyway, this got me thinking. I have a gay guy friend who, although very open about his sexuality with friends, felt uncomfortable even dancing with his screw date in front of his team. I guess I have never felt this pressure (being part of a super gay friendly team, and with the general reaction to women kissing being more “oh thats hot” rather than “oh thats disgusting”) but how does people in general, or your friends, reactions to who you choose to kiss/dance with/go on a date with etc effect how you act in public? Other bi's would you feel uncomfortable with a guy around a mostly queer group? Comment and tell me what you think!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've actually never made out with a girl in non-queer settings ... and even in queer settings I am super awkward about it ... I am just not a big fan of engaging in PDA. BUT I think it's awesome you made out with this guy at a lesbian club ... and sucky that all the weird stares came ... I really like the way our parties are at school, where people can just be with whoever they want ...

Also, sort of unrelated, but this post reminded me of the first time I went to a gay club (a pretty mixed one, though maybe more men). It was the first summer I was out but I wasn't with any queer friends, just a bunch of oh-so-straight (but obviously allied) girls from my internship program. We mostly went to the gay club because it was one of the only clubs in the neighborhood with a college discount night, and also one of the only ones without a weird dress code. Though totally thrilled, I was also totally intimidated, so I just hung with these girls, who formed a middle-school-esque circle and danced with each other in an extremely platonic way. It wasn't so out of place at this particular club, which welcomes a lot of straight-girl friends-of-gay-men, but it was still very surreal. Afterwards, these straight friends of mine waxed poetic about how refreshing it was to not have creepy guys hitting on them - how they had just been able to dance, and have fun, and be left alone. What had been their most desexualized clubbing experience to date had been my most exciting clubbing experience to date (okay, that sounds pathetic, but don't worry, my clubbing experiences got better very quickly). It's kind of crazy how people can have such different internal experiences in the same spaces.