An online space for queer, questioning, lesbian, bi, trans and everything else in between women at Yale

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Defining Virginity

First things first: I am a virgin. Depending on your personal views and experiences, this may be shocking to some people, but there you have it. I am not, nor have I ever been, ashamed of my virginity, but upon entering college, there certainly were added pressures and influences. Nevertheless, my doctrine remains no love, no sex, and I'm planning on sticking with that.

I have reached a point in my life, however, at which my v-card is in a confusing state. As a bisexual, I can easily imagine myself with a woman or a man, but I never know how to define "sex." With a man, it's easy: sex is simply sex, and if I have sex, I am no longer a virgin. Simple, clear cut, to the point. With a woman, it's more complicated; I've talked to experienced lesbian and bisexual women, and their answers differ. Some have told me fingering can be considered sex, others say oral, and some said that a sex toy needs to be used. I guess my confusion comes from the fact that I can (and at some point probably will) sleep with a person of each gender, but if I sleep with a woman first, how will I know when my virginity is nulled? I highly doubt there is going to be some lightening bolt of knowledge or some cosmic vision or something, and I find the hymen argument silly (I mean, come on, it can break riding a horse. Does that mean Stanley the Stud has taken my virginity?). And if oral or fingering is sex with a woman, do those actions carry over to being sex with a man if one is bisexual?

For me, at this moment, I define sex as the most intimate moment you can share with another person. I don't know what that necessarily is, but I'm willing to bet it's going to be an interesting journey finding out.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this is such a though question that I think a lot of people struggle with. It's important to figure out what is true for you and not let your definitions be changed by what other people think. It's your body, you decide what you call it.