Coming out (or not)

So last night, I decided to stay in and do work. That is, I started reading, got bored and went off to visit people. And so I ended up talking to my friend from Kansas. Last year during bulldog days, he was housed with an extremely flamboyant guy on old campus and got so uncomfortable that he left old campus in the middle of the night and went to TD to stay with another friend. Now, I’m sitting comfortably on his bed talking about the post I’m writing for Sappho, his roommate for next year (who’s bi), and if I should try (again) to come out to my mom and dad over spring break.

Talking about coming out, I realize how difficult it is to flat out tell people “I’m bi”. I have no trouble meeting people and telling them that, it’s just with people who knew me before I came out. I guess I’m afraid that their knowing will change their view of me or of our friendship in some fundamental way. So at the beginning of school, I came out to my new friends in a variety of indirect (and sometimes rather ill thought-out) ways. And so, for your reading pleasure, I thought I’d put together some of the more entertaining ways I’ve considered coming out to friends and family.

For your friends:

1) Play ten fingers.

2) Change your facebook to “interested in women”. Then join every possible gay rights group on facebook at the same time.

3) When friends come to visit, casually show them to your room, where there is a naked girl in your bed. Or a rainbow flag I guess. But the naked girl has more shock value.

4) Start flirting with your friends boyfriends and sit in their laps. When they ask what the fuck your doing, say “Don’t worry, I’m gay”. They’ll be so annoyed by your hitting on their boyfriends they’ll overlook the gay part.

5) just start making out with girls at parties. People will figure it out.

For your parents:

6) Explain that you are majoring in WGSS and are going to join softball

7) Start dressing and acting gayer and gayer until they are forced to assume. Even if you’re generally feminine, just wear guys pants and flannel whenever you’re home. Alternatively, dress only rainbow items.

8) Bring your girlfriend home with you and casually say “hey mom and dad, this is my girlfriend….”. They won’t want to make a public scene, so they can’t freak out.

9) Invite them to a “big surprise party”, and when they show up it’s a pride parade or drag show.

10) Or my personal favorite: Wear a hat that says “Mom, I’m gay”. They legit have them here http://www.spencersonline.com/product/hey-mom-im-gay-bb-hat/. I personally like the black one.

Who knows, I might actually need to use these one day.