An online space for queer, questioning, lesbian, bi, trans and everything else in between women at Yale

Monday, September 19, 2011

To Pee, Or Not To Pee?

It is the never-ending question in the queer community: to use the restroom, or to not use the restroom? For some of us, restrooms are a part of our daily lives. We go to the mall, drink 5 quarts of coffee, and pee every 10 minutes. For many of us queers, we mold our day around restroom use, dancing around with our legs crossed looking for the nearest family/handicapped restroom in the vicinity.

Restrooms are no place for a queer, or a perceived queer. Apparently, a heteronormative female is uncomfortable with a lesbian or transgender person entering the facilities. This is the place where she defecates and urinates into a porcelain bowl, washes her hands, and applies make-up. Rumors say that a grunting woman on a toilet tickles our fancy. I don’t know where they get this information. I don’t find myself standing on my tippy-toes to see every Martha Stewart fan pulling down their granny panties and letting one rip. I do find myself, however, being screamed at and threatened when I’m just trying to take a piss.

Unfortunately, there is also a lack of compassion for the environment. Toilets in public may be found clogged with used toilet paper and tampons. Sinks are full of hair and dirt. Spots of pee and puddles of water cover the tile. I would rather take a squat behind a dumpster and pee there. That would be much more sanitary.

Everybody poops, but not everyone has a place to poop. Awww.

On the flip side of the toilet paper, we can find relief in what public restrooms have to offer. Relief. Just walk in, ignore the wide-eyed women and screaming mothers, enter a stall, and pee. Curl your toes at that idea! If they call the manager, who cares? If you’ve got an I.D. to prove that you have a vagina, they have nothing on you. Behold, if you are further harassed, you can do the American thing and sue the queer-phobia out of those ignoramuses. It might make national news; therefore you’d be a martyr for the queer community and receive a lump sum of cash. Everybody poops, everybody wins!

I have never experienced this myself, but a public restroom is a popular place for hookups. Just dial that number on the side of the stall and Pat McButch will meet you there in no time, strapped up and ready to go. There’s an app for this, too. Type in your location and you will have people lining up at the door to get it on at the poop chair. If you use this app, comment below.

The choice is yours: to pee or not to pee. I choose not to pee. What about you? Let us know if you pee and why!


Anonymous said...

Eric, have these reactions changed since discovering (or acting upon) the fact that you are trans? Reactions both in the sense of the kinds of reactions you receive and in the sense of your own reactions, internally and externally, to the trans/homophobic (or at least heteronormative) environment.

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