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An online space for queer, questioning, lesbian, bi, trans and everything else in between women at Yale
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts

Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Blind Man Can See How Much I Love You



One of my favorite ways to pass the time, especially when I don't have work or don't want to do it, is to hang out in Barnes and Nobles and read short stories. It works out brilliantly on all fronts. I feel less weird reading them in the bookSTORE where people generally pay for books. I can start a book of short stories and not finish them and that's ok, I can go back to it later. They tend to be cheaper if I do decide to buy them. They last about as long as my attention span. Basically, its great.

So today, I made my first trek to the bookstore for this purpose in a while with the intent of reading Amy Bloom's 'Where the God of Love Hangs Out'. Turns out she's got all kind of short stories, so after sitting on the floor and reading all the back covers, I settled on 'a blind man can see how much I love you'. I must say I was not disappointed, and I've only read the first two stories.

The first one was about a mother, Jane, and her ftm child, Jess. The story was beautifully written and was sharp and witty. It helps that Jess and Jane's relationship plays out the way a typical young man would interact with his mother, at least for the most part. I'll admit, I did get a little lost when the mother gained a love interest toward the end of the story, but I guess everyone deserves a happy ending while we're passing them around.

The second was about a woman undergoing cancer treatment with her husband and her lesbian best friend by her side. (I won't lie, I didn't finish this one because I was pressed for time). This story was still good but more of a downer. I found it hard to sympathize with the main character after reading Jane's story. But Bloom is a great writer, so it works all the same.

The last book of short stories I read was called "Both Ways is the Only way I want it" and it was a book full of mostly-downer stories. but it was SO GOOD. mm. I'm enjoying the memory of it.

Now I'm off to try to actually accomplish something.

pe@ce

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Sometimes I just miss my mom...

A couple of years ago, around the same time I started dating women I stopped talking to my mom, a lot.

Before I actually "took the plunge" and actually got the guts to ask girls out, I had tested the waters with my mom, so to speak. I asked her questions about what she thought on the topic and quite frankly I never received a very positive response to say the least...
When I actually went for it, the girl dating part, I didn´t tell my mom, in fact I was very careful to hide it from her. I was afraid of her rejection and her criticism, she can be quite harsh at times.

This went on for a while, eventually she started getting suspicious, and our relationship plummeted at an accelerated rate...

I realized that keeping things about my sexuality not only meant that I couldnt tell her who I was dating, but also I couldnt tell her about the parties I went to, the people I hung out with, I couldn't explain certain political interests I have, heartbreak, joys, worries about questioning girls in my life....

I came out to her a couple of months ago. She didn't take it well. It disgusts her. My girlfriend is banned from my house. I can hardly tell her half the things I do here because half of them have to do with my queerness. I feel attacked by her.

I miss her. I wish we could talk like before. When I was younger, when I was still what she "wanted".

I know she loves me, but she disagrees with so much of who I am.

Sometimes though, I really just want her back. It´s strange to want someone in my life that both hurts me and loves me at the same time. She´s bittersweet to me.

Sometimes i just miss my mom...