Why NOT to Queer the Census

Today is Census Day at Yale!

You've probably noticed the flyers put up by the small army of Census volunteers, but the added PSAs from Fierce Advocates telling you to 'Queer the Census' may leave you wondering what to do today. Fierce Advocates, in partnership with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, is asking students to paste stickers asking the Census to add a question about sexual orientation to the next iteration of the form.

Don't.

The Queer the Census campaign is misguided. Although, as a social science nerd, and 538 afficionado, I am always sympathetic to the lust for more statistical data, but the Census is not the right way to collect this information. And, even if the question were added, it is unlikely to result in a PR coup for the gay rights movement.

The Census is the Wrong Instrument

You won't notice many personal questions on the Census (aside from race, which was included from the first census, when it was important to know whether a subject was black or white, since blacks counted as 3/5 for redistricting). We don't rely on the Census to take a complete snapshot of the nation every ten years. The Census is necessarily short, since every additional question increases the odds that it won't be returned. The Census an essentially simple purpose: tallying the number of residents to guide redistricting and disbursement of per capita funds. A queer tally is not relevant to these goals.

This cycle, the government eliminated the long form of the census, preferring to rely on the work done by the American Community Survey, which surveys samples of the country every year. If we want to ask questions about queers, this is the place to do it. In fact, the ACS already tallies the number of gay committed partnerships nationwide.

The Census would Undercount

Even if the census asked about sexual orientation, it would be likely to produce a massive, but official looking, undercount of American queers. Although the Census counts every individual, it is filled out by household, and I have a tough time believing that most high schoolers or other young people living at home are likely to see the Census questionnaire as the appropriate segue into coming out.

In addition, the question as proposed would be likely to undercount younger people who would identify as queer or questioning and might hesitate to commit to a stigmatized category like gay.

The Count Doesn't Count for Much

Mere evidence that gay people are everywhere will not result in the rolling back of discriminatory laws. The American Community Survey has already shown that gay couples exist in 99% of counties nationwide. It is wrong to claim, as a Daily Princetonian op-ed did, that demonstrating that single gays are equally ubiquitous will force bigoted legislators to clean up their act. Progress for the LGBT movement has come not through numbers but through stories. The entire point of "We're Here, We're Queer" was to turn the frightening spectre of 'a gay' into the familiar face of a friend or neighbor.

We Can Do Better

Instead of trying to up the numbers of queers who might be eligible for hypothetical government programs, let's do more to expand those programs. Today, take the time you would have spent on stickers doing something for Lambda Legal (still my fav LGBT activist group).

If you really want to do good work to reform the Census, join the movement to count prisoners in the districts they're from, rather than using them to boost the numbers of the richer neighborhoods where they're imprisoned.

An interesting e-mail

This weekend I received an e-mail from an aunt I hardly talk to. It read something like this:

"I know we hardly talk, but I have been following you on facebook. Are you dating the girl on your profile pic? I am sorry if this question offends you, and you do not have to answer. It's just that someone told me you were, and I preferred to ask you. I do not care about your sexual orientation, as I admire you for the person you are. Hope all is well, kiss, your aunt."

I still don't know what to make of it. I probably won't respond, and that in itself is probably an answer....I know that my family on my Dad's side has been gossiping about my sexuality for a couple of months now....all because of facebook. At some point, my girlfriend and I decided to not care about how obvious our facebook profiles were. When we first started dating, instead of posting "I love you" we would write %*!@#$%^&%!!! to express our frustration. And suddenly that stopped mattering. The immediate consequences were liberating. But it also meant that I was, in a sense, "outing" myself: my teacher from high school e-mailed me, another aunt e-mailed me, and it just kind of became known back home.

I'm fine with certain people back home knowing (friends, classmates, certain teachers), I still don't know how I feel about my teachers from elementary school, for instance, knowing. And it still makes me uncomfortable that my family gossips/knows.

Perhaps it's silly that I give it so much importance. Here I feel so protected, but back home, with certain family members, or with certain people, I still feel very much exposed...

Sometimes I just miss my mom...

A couple of years ago, around the same time I started dating women I stopped talking to my mom, a lot.

Before I actually "took the plunge" and actually got the guts to ask girls out, I had tested the waters with my mom, so to speak. I asked her questions about what she thought on the topic and quite frankly I never received a very positive response to say the least...

When I actually went for it, the girl dating part, I didn´t tell my mom, in fact I was very careful to hide it from her. I was afraid of her rejection and her criticism, she can be quite harsh at times.

This went on for a while, eventually she started getting suspicious, and our relationship plummeted at an accelerated rate...

I realized that keeping things about my sexuality not only meant that I couldnt tell her who I was dating, but also I couldnt tell her about the parties I went to, the people I hung out with, I couldn't explain certain political interests I have, heartbreak, joys, worries about questioning girls in my life....

I came out to her a couple of months ago. She didn't take it well. It disgusts her. My girlfriend is banned from my house. I can hardly tell her half the things I do here because half of them have to do with my queerness. I feel attacked by her.

I miss her. I wish we could talk like before. When I was younger, when I was still what she "wanted".

I know she loves me, but she disagrees with so much of who I am.

Sometimes though, I really just want her back. It´s strange to want someone in my life that both hurts me and loves me at the same time. She´s bittersweet to me.

Sometimes i just miss my mom...

More feminist rants

So I'm going to piggy back on what Sugah Bush just said. I agree that those kind of jokes are super irritating and whats even more annoying is that if you try and point out how stupid they sound, you're automatically a humorless feminist (oh no!). grr.
Anyway, what I was originally going to write about is on a kind of similar feminist-but-not-particularly-gay topic: sexual double standard. The other day my friends and I were talking about our hook ups from the weekend and general sex lives. We ended the conversation talking about how well one of the boys does, having a new hookup every weekend. Literally five minutes later, we ran into a girl we all know who someone described (as soon as she was our of earshot) as "a bit crazy, kind of a nympho...I mean she hooks up with a new guy every week". Wait, what?
Apparently, what is successful for a guy makes you a slut if your a girl. again grrr. I feel like this double standard is especially applicable to us bi's. I mean, a lot of people hear bi and instantly think slutty. I'm not necessarily a "slut" - i just happen to like girls and guys also - and if i were that's not a reason to judge. Can we let everyone organize their sex lives themselves, without making a huge deal about the gender or number of their partners or what kind of sex they enjoy?
I don't understand the whole bi=slut thing...especially for straight guys. Look I know that some girls do it for attention, but that doesn't mean that when I'm making out with a girl at a party that you can come up and grind on us. I'm busy, ok?
anyway that's my rant for the day. on a lighter note: go to http://www.fox.com/glee/and watch Sue's corner. haha. and Glee is coming back April 13th, I'm so excited!!

No, I don't want to make you a goddamn sandwich.

Today I want to bring up a subject that, although not directly related to lesbianism, still affects all of us.

That topic is unfunny misogynist jokes.

Listen, I like offending people just as much as the next jerk out there. But there is a way to do it skillfully, subtly raising awareness and then satirizing our views on whatever is at hand. These jokes, however, are just really really really stupid. Even worse, they are repeated ad nauseum , and are unfortunately considered acceptable responses to anything.

For example, there is a facebook group called, "I was shocked when I realized that 'woman' spelled backwards is 'kitchen'." Completely avoiding the fact that this isn't true, there's also the fact that, um, that doesn't have anything to do with anything. I mean "taco cat" spelled backwards is "taco cat", but that's different. "small penis" spelled backwards is "sinep llams", which also isn't particularly relevant, but it can be fun to shout at people.

Want me to stay in the kitchen, followers of the male patriarchal system? Well, there are a lot of things I can do in a kitchen. I can sit around in a kitchen. I can start a Satanic cult in a kitchen. I can eat all the food in the kitchen and then have you come home, starve, and then make love with my fat, bloated ass. Jerk.

There's also the beloved, "Make me a sandwich!" First of all, I'm usually too lazy to make myself a sandwich. Second, if you ever ask me this in the playful mannerism of a fourteen year old boy or a 4chan user (I might have been redundant there), I will not be able to make a come back with my feeble, womanly mind. I will probably just knee you in the balls instead.

So please, even if you hate women (and you're missing out on [a] great sex, people), stop telling these jokes at least in the name of good comedy. It needs to live on past senseless one-liners. And maybe if you're nice for once, I might possibly consider getting two slices of bread for you to make your own sandwich.

Back to my roots

It's April 1st, so I feel like I ought to be funny. Or write a long post that's totally inflammatory and false and then say APRIL FOOLS! at the end. But I've already been tricked once today and i must admit I didn't enjoy it very much. So instead, I'm going to write about what I was planning on writing about while I was walking back to JE from the calhoun cabaret, namely, getting back to my roots.
All this week I've been reminded of my good ole days but because my memory is not fantastic, I will start with yesterday and work back.

Confession: It's been a while since I've actually done any light design.

It took me a while to get my bearings in the cabaret light booth. It didn't help the matter that they haven't really finished setting up their own lighting rig yet, and an electrician, unfortunately, I am not. But anyhow, once I did, it was awesome. I bonded with some source fours, fought with some gels, finally figured out how to turn the house lights off without turning all the lights off. I went on and on about how "in my day light boards didnt come with touch screens".

I kinda miss doing theater tech. But I never really felt like I could break into Dramat. My priority isn't theater, I just think its fun. So I tried doing some prop stuff which was pretty dry until I did Rocky Horror which was awesome.

But Bad Romance has been a whole different story. This has reminded me of why I liked doing theater in the first place: working together with awesome people, being hands on, seeing an artistic idea (or ideas) brought to fruition.

Now if I can run the lights on Sunday without getting caught up in the performances, it will be perfect. In short: Come to the show!

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Right now, I am live from the Peter Pan bus I am riding to Ithaca. Woo!

Bad Romance

I figure since I'm posting the day before Bad Romance happens I'd take this opportunity to advertise and explain how awesome it's been to be a part of. Just a heads up, if you still don't have tickets, there a few still available for the saturday 11pm show at yaledramacoalition.org/bad_romance get em while they're hot.

Anyway, what's so special about Bad Romance? It's the fabulous dancing and performing; It's the hilarity; It's the unbelievable sexiness, but mostly it's the wonderful time I've proving every rehearsal that gender is a performance. I think about my gender presentation all the time, how what I wear affects how people see me, how I should do my hair. But nowhere is it more apparent how superficial gender is than when bearded men wear dresses and turn you on and when the only thing making you read someone as a man or a woman is a feather boa or a baseball cap.

I've done some drag before Bad Romance, but I'd never put so much effort into my drag, and I've learned a lot in the process, not just new ways to put on a beard, but also different ways to present and different things to do on stage. I can't wait until this weekend to perform, and I'll miss it when it's over. It's been a great ride Bad Romance, hope I can show you to most of Sappho.