An online space for queer, questioning, lesbian, bi, trans and everything else in between women at Yale

Sunday, March 7, 2010

A small rant

So this was going to be a happy, smiley post considering its spring break, I’m so excited to see old friends, and it was beautifully warm today. Also, it was gonna be yesterday like it was supposed to be. Just didn’t happen.
From last week, speaking of (not) awesome ways to come out:
Apparently there’s a whole series of these segments, which are super entertaining (and remember, politically correct people, satirical). I particularly enjoyed this one:
So that’s awesome, and the rest of this post was supposed to be happy to. Spoiler alert: small rant coming up. So if you just got your spring break mojo on and don’t want to listen to me whine a bit, don’t read on. Or do.
Anyway, I was planning on coming out to my parents this break. Basically, I failed to get up courage at Christmas when I’d originally thought to and now was going to be round two. Obviously, I don’t have it as bad a some people: my parents aren’t super conservative, homophobic or otherwise likely to disown me. That said, somehow in the car on the way home from the airport we somehow start a conversation that ends up with, essentially, my mom saying of my friend “he’s probably not gay, its just fashionable right now”
OK. Not funny. “Um no mom, I’m pretty sure he’s actually gay”. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t fuck guys because it’s ‘fashionable’. But obviously I can’t say this to my mom. So considering the fact I dated boys in high school, and had the really-really-awful idea of telling my parents all about girls and girl trouble, just pretending they were guys , I’m pretty much screwed.
I’m sorry I cannot deal with my mom thinking I’m gay (bi actually, but that distinction tends to get lost) as a fashion statement. I really can’t. I’m not secure and confident enough to prevent me dissolving into a puddle of rage and angry tears in ensuing huge family argument. Yes mom, I did just decide to be gay because it’s fashionable and I know it will piss you off. Dying my hair green seemed to simple and reversible.
Sometimes I just want to come home to Yale, where my friends don’t think being gay is a fashion. As soon as I get out of my house, spring break will be great but I still can’t wait to be back in the Yale bubble.

No comments: