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An online space for queer, questioning, lesbian, bi, trans and everything else in between women at Yale

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Twin mattresses

My oh-so-lovely sapphicly-inclined ladies...

Funny story from break so far:
My mother outed me to her best friend from college. It was my mother's 50th birthday party this past weekend, and tons of middle-aged women were all drunk off champagne, so I guess I should have expected some loose mouths. One of her friends was standing up to demonstrate how difficult it was to walk in the 70s when you were on your period.
In Pre-Tamponal ages, the Kotex pads were, as her friend put it, "like twin mattresses between your thighs." She then put one hand down the front of her pants, the other down the back, mocking how obvious they were through jeans. "Can y'all see it? It's not noticeable is it?" My father walked into the room at this point to drop off the keys to the downstairs, at which point my mom's friend froze and waved hello to my dad...with her hand still in her pants. My aunt then spat champagne all over a box of chocolates and then had a coughing attack.

ANYways, I digress. My mom outs me to her friend in the midst of all this. Her friend the next day pulls me aside to talk to me. Her thoughts: that I need to have a real sexual experience (no, I mean a REAL sexual experience) with a man. Proud to admit I'm an L-Word Gold Star. However, this apparently has kept me from experiencing the real mind-blowing skills of a man in bed that will, of course, convince me that I am not really queer. Her next thought was that maybe since growing up I was taught that sex was "bad", and "for marraige"....that maybe I decided to therefore divert to the "party of people that I could be intimate with but wouldn't ever be able to have sex with." Cringe. Stomach twisting. Anger. Frustration... because this woman ACTUALLY means well and supports me. She is just trying to understand because it doesn't make sense to her. Not people being gay...but me in particular [as in "feminine" queer women]. "I mean, baby, you don't look like a gay. But maybe you are a gay person. Or a bisexual person or whatever your mother said. And that's okay. And maybe you'll give a less scary face to the heterosexual world to let the rest of us know that gays can be just like everyone else." (Deep South, will you ever NOT live up to the stereotype of being four decades behind the rest of the country??)

At least my mother is coming around. She is actually really cute. Aside from being okay with me dating a girl (wanting to talk to her on skype with me, take us to dinner, etc)--she's taking pride in knowing lots of queer vocabulary, and likes teaching my dad as if he is SUCH an idiot for not knowing. "Sweetheart, LGBTQ. It's long but you have to learn that one," she said at the Country Club tonight. She asked me what "powerbottom" meant after reading the Rumpus' 50 Most article on the lovely Rachel Schiff...and I told her I had absolutely nooo idea. Better to keep things slow, right?

1 comment:

Virtù said...

hahah this is hilarious, I loved it! and thanks for posting over break, it's great to be able to read something new :)