An online space for queer, questioning, lesbian, bi, trans and everything else in between women at Yale

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Victory is mine!

My senior essay is in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(letting that sink in for a moment)

And its great. That's why I didn't post on Thursday as is usually my jam. I have never spent so long working on footnotes in my entire life. DON'T LEAVE THOSE TO THE LAST MINUTE. it blows. I mean, don't leave the writing to the last minute either.

I'm ambivalent about my senior essay in a lot of ways. It's epic. I barely made it under the max word count of 15,000 (that's about 60 pages). So obviously I did a lot of work. But I'm also pissed because this was a two term essay most of the work for which was done literally in three to four weeks- over spring break and one week in both directions. So what did I do all fall? I did the work required of our seminar, but very little of that made its way into my paper ultimately. Sometimes I guess its just a long and windy road.

Speaking a little to the previous post, I had grand aspirations for this year and for the most part, I haven't been disappointed.
I've taken some awesome out-of-my-box classes, gotten more involved in JE life (well, until the last two weeks.), started doing this...I could keep going.
I guess my strategy was to let the awesome things find me. My perspective is undoubtedly skewed because as a varsity athlete there is a ton that I know I miss out on already, so now that I've got more time, that's the stuff I go to first. But I also know myself at least well enough to realize that even the stuff I'm really passionate about isn't going to get the right kind of energy if I've got to start it from the ground up. And its because my priorities are already set.
1)senior essay
2) classes generally
3) rowing
4) anything I've already promised myself to
5) new stuff I want to do.

see? It's pretty far down. And starting new things, as some teammates of mine discovered the hard way this term, is really hard as a senior unless you've got really enthusiastic and committed underclassmen to help you (or its a small enough project that you don't need that much help). There simply are a lot of other demands on you.

But my plan has worked admirably for me to this point. I got back into IM sports. I've done a better job generally of seeking out people I like but never get to see.
As for getting ready for next year, this AmeriCorp app I'm working on is a real pain in my ass. I'll admit that I was a little bummed when big-deal-consulting-firm-x fell through, but I think in hindsight I would have hated that. (You should totally attend the info sessions because the finger food is quite tasty. and you get free notebooks and pens, which I'm sure excites me more than most people) So I turned my mind towards smaller companies, or doing some non-profit work, which is how I ended up at AmeriCorp (so much more than TFA- check it out). I think whats most important is to just stay relaxed. Stress isn't going to make anything better, it just makes you unhappy. I'm lucky because I know at least that I'm moving in with my heterosexual life partner after graduation. So all I really need to do is find a way to pay my rent. At the very worst I see myself as the only personal trainer with a Yale degree. But let's be honest....I get paid solid money to yell at people and get free gym access. I'm not sure it gets much better either.

I'm letting my mind decompress for a couple more hours before I frantically make up lost time in my digital video class. Joy.

also, before I forget. CREDIT/D CREDIT/D CREDIT/D. You can take 4 classes Cr/d/Fail. USE THEM! It means you can take something you are interested in but terrible at, or something totally random. Or if you're like me, it takes you course load down from 4 to 2. sort of. my point it, take advantage of it.

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